[PanicZone] A very tough situation - Spoilers
I would have thought that my mom getting out of ICU would be, well different
than how it has turned out to be.
For those who don't know about the situation with me and my mom - we are both
disabled (receiving benefits), and neither of us get enough to be independent,
so we live together in an apartment and share expenses. Ever since she's been
on oxygen and breathing treatments, I have worked hard to help her prepare he
treatments, meals, make sure her oxygen equipment is ready for her, and so on.
Especially when she has gotten ill.
Now the tough part. When she was in ICU, one doctor out of several decided to
refer her to hospice. Also he and her nurse for that last day in ICU gave her
a DNR (no CPR, tubes, etc.) paper and pressured her to sign it. When I asked,
politely for a few minutes to talk with her about that form, the nurse told me
that I had no right to talk to her about it, and that it is "her decision".
She all but told me to leave (I didn't, but I did not refuse aggressively - I
simply told her that I wanted a few minutes to talk to my mom in private). She
did not want to leave - though she didn't give a direct reason, the thing she
kept saying in that "this is her decision" and that I had, "no right to try to
impose my will on her". Almost immediately after she finally left the hospice
nurse and social worker came in, and presented hospice as something totally
different from what I had always heard it was - i.e. it is for patients who can
no longer be treated, are expected to live six months or less, and is primarily
focused on making the patient as "comfortable" as possible during end of life.
That last was my understanding of it (denied by them, but later confirmed by
another doctor and a book that they grudgingly gave me - before that, all the
gave me was a small pamphlet). After that, when I left to get something to eat
and came back to ICU, they gave me a hard time getting back in to see my mom.
Now what happened upstairs: Her new floor doctor reiterated what the nurse had
said, in much stronger terms - and told me that the DNR was already on file (he
would not tell me anything else about the file even though mom signed a
release). He to me that I had no right to interfere; that there is no backing
out of hospice; that a Durable Power of Attorney For Health Care was irrelevant
after the hospice papers were signed (to him it was a given that they would be
signed). This time when the hospice nurse came in, she was really trying to
hard sell my mom signing those papers right then, and trying very hard to
ignore my presence and my questions. She finally admitted that the doctor was
right about hospice, and repeated that part about me "having no right" to
"interfere". I had to ask her several times to get the more comprehensive
booklet, and also to get her to admit that it wasn't imperative to sign
anything right then, but then she's always turn to my mom and say something
like, "You really do want our help, don't you?"
I realize that even without hospice and with the power of attorney, I would be
obligated to respect her wishes (they seemed to think that my asking questions,
and wanting to talk to her privately was disrespecting her wishes). I just
felt it would be better for my mom and I to discuss those options AFTER she was
out of the hospital (and not being given morphine, and other things that MAY
affect her judgment), and come to agreement between ourselves - I stated as
much, but they disagreed and even got the Reverend to take their side in that
matter.
Am I wrong for wanting to talk these issues though with my mom privately before
jumping into anything? I didn't feel I was being belligerent, just looking out
for my mom in the face of pressures from complete strangers - if anything I
feel I was being reasonable in hearing them out, though when I has questions or
concerns, I felt that they were being very aggressive. My old therapist
would have placed the blame solely on me, and would telly me that my desire to
talk it out with mom was selfish and would agree that it is not my right to do
so - even if she wanted to.
More upset than ever now.
Chris
PS I had to take two Xanax and a Klonopin to calm down each of these times.
The anxiety and panic was just too overwhelming.
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have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.
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