[PanicZone] Therapy Friday
Hi all,
Had my therapy session on Friday all went well. We talked about my
mom's reaction to my surgery and how it's been causing me distress.
The therapist says when I feel like I hate myself which I've been
feeling like since Thursday night, she said to repeat the word stop to
myself and do my respiratories and see how I do so I'm gonna try it.
I just wish I was like my brothers and sisters; at least they don't
have to make repeated trips to the operating room like I do. At times
I think I wish I wasn't even born at all; I know I shouldn't say this
cause God has a reason why he want us to be born; but depression has
me this way. I just don't say it out loud but I think about it; I
rather think about it than say it then people won't think I'm crazy.
I told my bf I was hating myself when I was depressed he said don't
hate yourself lol easier said than done. So now the therapist sees
where I'm coming from I feel somewhat better. I just need mom to
support me through this cause surgery's all I've known all my life and
as long as I continue to be ill I'll always have operations I can't
help myself. I've been taking a break from calling her for a few days
so we can both calm down and think. I'll see how she acts tonight;
hopefully she'll be better. I have a clue why she feels the way she
does; she loves me for 1 and 2 she thinks the treatments are supposed
to last for a lifetime and it's not a permanent cure. Anyway that's
my story for therapy I go next week.
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.
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