Re: [PanicZone] Re: rage

Very well said Michelle

Love

Evelyn
Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile

-----Original Message-----
From: "growgirl1" <growgirl1@yahoo.com>
Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 2010 16:04:58
To: <PanicZone@yahoogroups.com>
Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [PanicZone] Re: rage

Cathy,

It is funny how families can be. I only knew my grandma a the sweet old Polish lady who taught me to cook, crochet and make daisy chains. Just the other day my dad told me she was crazy when she was a young young woman(his words, not mine) and started telling me stories about how she would go into rages and chase them around the farm with a carving knife! LOL Families seem to feel the need to deny as if it will protect. I know how you feel. My therapist told me that mental illness is cross-generational, meaning a girl will get it from her father or fathers side and boys from their mothers or mothers side. I have been going through this for months now and my family is just now starting to crack the history shell. Be patient with them.

As far as meds go. This is just my opinion, ok. If you are sick, the meds are your friends, Take them. Yes, some can make you dependent, some can make you addicted, but you will be very sick without them.
If you had a heart condition, would you question the meds? If your liver didn't work right, would you question the meds? Your brain doesn't work right, so it needs meds. It is an organ in the human body that does not work right. I am sure heart patients do not like being dependent on meds either. But the heart doesn't work, so they have to. Your brain doesn't work so you have to. That's all. It's broke. I know that it is a very simplistic view, but it works for me.
Why my brain broke is irrelevant and I won't dwell on it because what is done is done. When you get the right mix of meds, you feel better.

I hope at you can see that "mental issues" are a broken organ in your body and nothing to be ashamed of.

xoxoxo,

Michelle

--- In PanicZone@yahoogroups.com, Cathy Hrusa <poetichusky@...> wrote:
>
> Hey Brent,
>
> Thanks for responding! I kind of figured what I've been experiencing is
> "normal" if you will for a manic phase. It's funny how it's been such a long
> road for me to get to this diagnosis... yet looking back it makes so much
> sense. And I'm now learning that my Dad was actually bipolar as well...
> which of course explains alot for me, being that genetics I guess have a
> factor to a certain degree. My mom recently said that my Dad was on
> Risperdone(Risperdal sp?). Although she said he was on so many different
> things at different times. *bell goes off* JUST LIKE ME. With everything
> going on with me.. you think she'd offer up this information, but I've been
> having to be my own detective so to speak with all this to help the doctors
> as I've had a rough road these past few years with not many answers. In the
> beginning and until recently I was in denial.... I refused to believe what
> was wrong with me was "just mental".
>
> That was my mind set until a few months ago. I didn't want that stigma....
> that label.... that what was wrong with my Dad(which I now know was bipolar)
> is what I have. I think my mom was also in denial along with me as well. She
> didn't want me to be my Dad. But we're all coming to terms with this now...
> after many trips to the ER and after all this testing (all kinds of blood
> work, EEG's, EKG's and other cardio testing, MRI's, CAT scans, eye Exams)
> and seeing Neurologists. Like I said it's been a long road, but even though
> I (and my mom I'm sure) hate that I have bipolar, I'm just glad I have a
> direction to go in now, a plan for treatment, hope for a stable future. I
> have also learned SOOOOO so much about my Dad and the things he went through
> and understand why he did the things he did (he was an addict) in a whole
> new perspective.
>
> The funny thing is... even armed with this information and gaining new
> knowledge of my illnesses, I still hate feeling like I'm a slave to meds. I
> dunno if anyone else has these feelings? Even just this morning... after
> reading the posts about how evil benzos are I struggled to take my meds. I
> took my SNRI Pristiq... but delayed taking my morning dose of benzo
> Klonopin. But then I literally told myself in my head "NO you can't do this!
> Don't play with your meds. Just do with the Pdoc says to do"! I sometimes
> just hate being on all these pills and also might still catch a little case
> of denial... like "I don't need em". I dunno if I'm making sense. Can anyone
> else relate?
>
> -Cathy
>
> On Mon, Dec 27, 2010 at 10:42 AM, Brent Mast <bdmast85@...> wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > Good morning Cathy.
> >
> > I have terrible rage when manic. Scream, throw things when I have no reason
> > to be angry. I live alone in a condo. I'm sure my neighbors had to hear and
> > think I'm nuts.
> >
> > Fortunately when I got on the right med (risperidone, an antipsychotic) it
> > stopped. Now I have cycles but they aren't as dramatic. Right now I'm on an
> > upswing, having trouble sleeping.
> >
> > Hope everyone's week is off to a good start,
> > Brent
> >
> > --- In PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>, Cathy
> > Hrusa <poetichusky@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Hey Everyone,
> > >
> > > Sorry I've been kind of MIA for the past few days... was so busy with the
> > > holiday with Danielle's family. Holidays are always hard for me and alot
> > of
> > > times I just feel like I'm just going through the motions. I might be MIA
> > > for the New Year's holiday as well, because we are going to Connecticut
> > to
> > > visit my mom and family. :0) Am so excited! I don't get to see my family
> > > much, since I've moved to PA, so I cherish every time I do get to spend
> > > there.
> > >
> > > Anyhow, I couldn't help but relate to lots of the things you're going
> > > through with Larry, Mel. Relationships are tough... then add in some mind
> > > games and mental illness and it can be chaos at times. Things aren't the
> > > greatest with Danielle and I either, but we have an understanding that if
> > > things don't improve in the next few months or so, we are going to go our
> > > separate ways. She's agreed to come along to therapy with me to see if
> > she
> > > can learn to help herself to help me and our relationship. If we do end
> > up
> > > going our separate ways, it doesn't mean we don't love one another...
> > just
> > > means we're not a great match.
> > >
> > > You know how you said Larry throws your illnesses in your face, by saying
> > no
> > > one else would put up with it? I often wonder myself like if Danielle and
> > I
> > > DO go our separate ways... will there be someone else that will "put up
> > with
> > > my illnesses"? I think that alot. Although, like you right now, I'd be ok
> > > being single. It's almost like I feel it would leave all of my energy to
> > > focus on myself and getting better mentally... To love myself. Because I
> > > don't.
> > >
> > > Another thing I can relate to is that Danielle does the same thing as
> > in...
> > > just pretending like nothing's happened or just moving on wanting to
> > forget
> > > what happened the previous day. And me.... I don't like this. The worst
> > > thing she does is when I can sense something is wrong and she says
> > > nothing.... almost like ignoring me. She won't answer me and just stays
> > > silent. She says this is to prevent herself from saying something hurtful
> > > that she might regret, but it just gets under my skin. And with me be
> > > manic.... OMG does it ever! I find myself snapping in seconds and raising
> > my
> > > voice and my rage starts to come out.
> > >
> > > I dunno if I'm even making sense right now, cause of my mania. But, I
> > hate
> > > mind games and I will continue to keep you in my prayer hun! We love you
> > > here!
> > >
> > > ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
> > >
> > > -Cathy
> > >
> > > PS-Does anyone else with bipolar experience this "rage" feeling that I'm
> > > talking about? I've noticed it comes out more so when I'm manic.
> > > On Mon, Dec 27, 2010 at 8:50 AM, <evequilmes@> wrote:
> > >
> > > > Good for you girlfriend
> > > >
> > > > Love you
> > > >
> > > > Evelyn
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: insultedprincess08@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 05:56:48
> > > > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com><
> > PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > Evelyn
> > > > I know that if Larry left tonight, I would only be alone for as long as
> > I
> > > > wanted to be. When I was ready to meet someone else, there are hundreds
> > of
> > > > ways to.
> > > >
> > > > One of Larry's biggest fears is being single again. So, in his mind,
> > that
> > > > should be something I'm afraid of, to. It isn't.
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Mel
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: evequilmes@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 05:20:53
> > > > To: <PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > Exactly u need to love yourself before anybody else can love u. And how
> > > > dare him say that u will never get a man who would put up w your
> > illnesses?
> > > > I am sure there's a lot of guys out there that would want a sweet girl
> > like
> > > > u.
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Evelyn
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: insultedprincess08@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 04:48:02
> > > > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com><
> > PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > Evelyn
> > > > Yesterday he said he was moving out, then slept on the couch all day.
> > Last
> > > > night, he expected me to come to bed??? I slept on the couch.
> > > >
> > > > Today, of course, he wants to forget it happened. He gave me 200 to go
> > > > shopping, and cleaned house and made dinner.
> > > >
> > > > I'm still mad. It was Christmas. But life moves on.
> > > >
> > > > What gets me is he always threatens to leave but never will. I am just
> > at
> > > > the point where I think I would like to try living alone. Its not that
> > I
> > > > don't love him...
> > > >
> > > > He says if he leaves, I'll never find another man to put up with my
> > > > illnesses. Who needs a man? Yes, love is great, but so is self-worth!
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Mel
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: evequilmes@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 03:14:40
> > > > To: <PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > I am glad Mel, how r things now?
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Mel
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: insultedprincess08@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Mon, 27 Dec 2010 02:24:58
> > > > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com><
> > PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > Evelyn,
> > > > I read your email yesterday but was in the dumps so bad, I didn't want
> > to
> > > > reply. However, I could feel the strength in your words and it came in
> > > > handy!
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Mel
> > > > ------Original Message------
> > > > From: EVELYN V
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > ReplyTo: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: Re: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > > Sent: Dec 25, 2010 3:53 PM
> > > >
> > > > Mel, DO NOT let him ruing your day, you know u didn't do anything
> > wrong, so
> > > > why should u allow him to bring u down. Don't be locked in your room,
> > put
> > > > some music on, put some nice clothes on and start dancing or even
> > better go
> > > > to that party. And, YOU ARE NOT crazy, you just have emotional issues
> > just
> > > > like all of us, if you would be crazy u wouldn't even KNOW it or THINK
> > about
> > > > it because crazy people don't THINK or KNOW they are. If he is an ass,
> > it is
> > > > HIS problem not yours, you are a wonderful and loving person
> > > >
> > > > Cheer up girlfriend
> > > > I love you
> > > >
> > > > Evelyn
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > -----Original Message-----
> > > > From: insultedprincess08@
> > > > Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Date: Sat, 25 Dec 2010 19:54:30
> > > > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com><
> > PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>>
> > > > Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com <PanicZone%40yahoogroups.com>
> > > > Subject: [PanicZone] (unknown)
> > > >
> > > > I woke up to Larry accusing me of cheating on him. First, he said I
> > gave
> > > > our roommate his pants, next he said I'm sleeping with the roommate,
> > and
> > > > finally he said I gave our roommate his shaving cream.
> > > >
> > > > Anxiety and depression. Panic attack and feeling worthless. I'm just
> > tired.
> > > >
> > > > I called my step dad and told him that I'm running late and am probably
> > too
> > > > "sick" to attend. He should have everyone just start without me.
> > > >
> > > > I told Larry to kick the roommate out, but Larry said that he'll be
> > gone
> > > > before the roommate gets back from out of state. I doubt if Larry will
> > go,
> > > > this is a threat he has made and not kept over and over again.
> > > >
> > > > Larry said that he was going to his mom's for Christmas, but now he
> > refuses
> > > > to leave. I am trapped in the bedroom, not wanting to be around him,
> > and
> > > > wishing he WOULD go and leave me in peace.
> > > >
> > > > I love him, but hate the way he treats me. WHY would you play mind
> > games
> > > > with a crazy person???
> > > >
> > > > I hate being crazy, hate the drama, and never having any control over
> > > > anything. I hate laying this on all of you - I imagine someone rolling
> > their
> > > > eyes and saying "Mel has more mood swings..."
> > > >
> > > > Love
> > > > Mel
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ------------------------------------
> > > >
> > > > The only thing that can happen when I
> > > > have a panic attack is that it will pass
> > > > whether it passes quickly or slowly
> > > > depends whether I drop the idea of it
> > > > being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> > >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

The only thing that can happen when I
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links

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