Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
Mel,
My god. I feel I shouldn't be responding . As we all respond to our own griief in our own ways.
I'm not going to try and distract you fromn your grief. We all have our own temporary distractions.
You, apparently with shopping.
Whatever gets you through the night,is alright(sorry,John Lennon but i don't suppose that thought is original to you)
Second opinions, other options?
For me, being adopted not too well, procreating was one of my life's major goals.
IfI were not capable of that,I would be devestated. It's like I would have to rewire my skull to get beyond that.
I'm happy you have a husband/partner to support you now.
Mary Cherry
----- Original Message -----
From: Melissa Smith
To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sunday, October 31, 2010 3:05 PM
Subject: Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
Hey everyone. I read Joe's post and automatically thought that he was talking
about Jackie when he was talking about suicide. Then I read Momone's post and
wondered if anyone thought I was suicidal? I'm deffinately not.
Friday, I found out that my insides are messed up. At first we thought that it
was cancer, but Friday I found out that it is most likely the result of how I
would "clean up" after bad things happened to me as a kid.
My mom gave my husband the day off, because he didn't want to leave me alone
when I was so sad. We wound up killing some time, and my bank account. Maybe
because I was never alone, or maybe because I am getting better, I never thought
of killing myself.
I went through periods of time on Friday, where I just wanted to break down and
cry. I felt raw and bitter, but when those feelins got too intense, my husband
and I would hit another one of my favorite stores and buy me something else new
and cool.
After I had came home, and played with all of my new toys, it somehow popped in
my mind again, so I decided to share it with you guys. Knowing that I had so
many people to share in my pain, realize how I was feeling and understand
deffinately helped! Writing is a form of self-therapy for me, as is burying my
head in the sand.
Yesturday was spent cleaning and packing, and not thinking. Today, my mind and
heart are saying "You already knew what had happened, and that you weren't going
to have kids. You can either make this time in your life about him, or you can
make it about all the positive things that are happening."
Yes, I am feeling less energetic then I'd like to feel, but that's okay. I'll
get with it later today or tomaro. I'm shaky and not wanting to leave the
houswe, but that could be as much from overdoing it on Friday as depression.
I guess the really good news is, I only had mild chest pains, once I got over
the initial shock. I didn't want to come home, because shopping stopped me from
thinking. So I dealt (Really really well!) with the panic, and life is good!
I love you all, and hope you are all getting better with your PD.
Mel
________________________________
From: joe dinardo <jjfearless@yahoo.com>
To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sun, October 31, 2010 1:33:50 AM
Subject: Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
I write them all Mel.
Thx for asking. I'm just reading
the posts...and my heart goes out to anyone
so depressed, so suicidal.
As mary said , it's hard for me to write my most personal, feelings and needs
down here, but I can relate to not wanting to be here .
As for "attempts" ..no, none.
But, the feeling that it's all too much to be believable? YES!
I will write lyrics down. I kind of need my hands to stop shaking first.
ty, joe
________________________________
From: Melissa Smith <insultedprincess08@yahoo.com>
To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, October 30, 2010 12:05:11 PM
Subject: Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
Thank you, Joe. Don't you write your own lyrics? Or at least some of them? If
you have some, you should share. I've fallowed your links before, but I'd love
to just read the words!
Mel
________________________________
From: joe dinardo <jjfearless@yahoo.com>
To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, October 30, 2010 10:38:13 AM
Subject: Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
p o w e r f u l !
________________________________
From: "evequilmes@hotmail.com" <evequilmes@hotmail.com>
To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Sat, October 30, 2010 8:09:50 AM
Subject: Re: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
Beautiful poetry, u rock
Evelyn
Sent from my BlackBerry® by Boost Mobile
-----Original Message-----
From: "Melissa" <insultedprincess08@yahoo.com>
Sender: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 2010 06:18:21
To: <PanicZone@yahoogroups.com>
Reply-To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [PanicZone] Mel's poetry
Grrrr.. I had something on my mind and wanted to write it out. :0)~ You guys
don't really have to read, but there's something in me that wants to know I've
put the words out there. Just my way of letting go, I guess.
Angry little girl
Lonely little girl,
Pretending to sleep in her bed,
Alone in this big world,
Pillow over her head.
Monster in the night,
Gone by morning light,
Leaving nothing in his wake,
Making her feel fake.
Angry little girl,
Wanting to hurt someone,
Doesn't understand,
Her innocence is gone.
Scared little boy,
His sister's brother,
Only praying in the night,
They don't kill each other.
Hurting little girl,
Bleach and blood on the floor,
She can't take the pain,
Can't take it anymore.
Institution,
Destitution,
Desperation,
Instigation.
Not so little girl,
She sees the monster dead.
Nothing left to do.
It's all left unsaid.
Doctors and words,
The scariest of times.
They say cancer to her,
Possibly, sometimes.
Not so little girl,
Wanting babies of her own,
But something broke apart,
While she was trying to get grown.
Hurting little girl,
Bleach and blood on the floor,
She can't take the pain,
Can't take it anymore.
Crying little girl,
Somewhere deep inside of me,
Still trying to hide in the dark,
Still trying to break free.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
The only thing that can happen when I
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.
Post a Comment