[PanicZone] Re: Trigger people???
Oh yeah, I bet it bothers you. Care and give a hoot! LOL When you try one thing and that doesn't work and then you try the other and that doesn't work, you feel frustrated because you feel there is no solution to this; only the other person can change their behavior. When they don't, it really irks you.
Sam
--- In PanicZone@yahoogroups.com, Melissa Smith <insultedprincess08@...> wrote:
>
> My husband and I had a conversation a while back. It went
> Me :Â I don't think you understand how certain things stress me out.
> Him: I know. Stress is a part of life though.
> Me : If you know something is going to throw me into a PANIC ATTACK and you
> still do it, because you just don't care, then one of us needs to leave!
>
> Of course, he won't leave, and I can't. But it bothers me to know that he just
> doesn't give a flying leap!
>
> I think that certain people are attracked to those of us who have disorders,
> because it makes them feel more powerfull and in controll. I really hope that's
> not the story in your case, though!
>
> mel
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Sam <strangeworld1500@...>
> To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Tue, September 7, 2010 10:42:34 AM
> Subject: [PanicZone] Re: Trigger people???
>
> Â
> Hey Mel,
>
> Yeah, she's not dirty but I'm not a dirty person either and I don't like a dirty
> house, but I do sometimes allow it to get untidy. When, I used to live in my own
> bedroom, it would get cluttered with school papers, mail, etc, but usually I
> would fee motivated to clean it up after a certain time and make it look
> perfect. I sort of have OCD and when I get to cleaning, I can really clean
> something. But, I don't always have to have it clean. I guess laziness balances
> out that part of the OCD. LOL
>
> On Saturday late afternoon, I was driving and we were trying different stores to
> find a tail light. We left one parking lot and she suggested taking one street.
> She mistakenly said the name of one street when she meant another direction. I
> questioned her and tried to correct her and she got mad and then we argued about
> who started the yelling. Then she punched me in the arm a couple of times.
> Sometimes I feel like she doesn't explain herself well enough and when I try to
> understand her she wigs out.
>
> Sam
>
> --- In PanicZone@yahoogroups.com, Melissa Smith <insultedprincess08@> wrote:
> >
> > Sam,
> > I know that you had said before that you had a problem when you first started
> > posting again. Congratulations on overcoming that! You've done a great
> job.
> >
> > It sounds like your wife and my husband could be related. :) I am the one
> >who
> >
> > complains about a dirty house, and the one who doesn't drive. However he
> >yells
> >
> > at the drop of a hat and is verry verbally abusive.
> >
> > I hope that things get better for both of us soon!
> >
> > Mel
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ________________________________
> > From: Sam <strangeworld1500@>
> > To: PanicZone@yahoogroups.com
> > Sent: Fri, September 3, 2010 4:44:10 PM
> > Subject: [PanicZone] Re: Trigger people???
> >
> > ÂÂ
> > Hey Mel,
> >
> > First of all, I just want to say that I appreciate you(and others) reading my
> > other post.
> >
> > I don't necessarily have someone in my life that I am with regularly who
> > triggers major anxiety episodes. I do have someone in my life, my wife, that
> > causes me stress on a daily basis and, yes, it does elevate my anxiety. What
> >she
> >
> > does that elevates my stress and anxiety is that she'll come home and start to
>
> > criticize the condition of our place. If it's not clean enough, she'll say, in
> >a
> >
> > complainy and angry voice, "Why is this place messy?!". It could be as simple
> >as
> >
> > putting a few pieces of clothes in the closet. It's not just the house; if I do
> >
> > something else that is not to her liking, then she'll start complaining and
> > ordering me to fix or correct the situation. At least ask me in a nice voice.
> > Don't yell and boss me and make me feel like a lesser person. I like to have
> >the
> >
> > window open for cooling air, but she'll close the window. Sometimes I wonder if
> >
> > she has some sort of anxiety issues. If not anxiety, then it must be something
>
> > else.
> >
> > I think I'm a laid-back person. I also think I'm easygoing, except for when
> > something challenges or provokes my anxiety. With her behaviors towards me, it
>
> > creates tension with me, and the stress and anxiety are there also. She would
> > say that I stress her. It seems like we're two different people in ways and
> > haven't resolved this properly. I've tried talking to her in a calm way when
> >she
> >
> > complains, but she'll continue. I've tried yelling, and she'll continue. I
> > haven't figured out the solution yet.
> >
> > Another situation, is when I'm driving with her. I'm the primary driver. She
> >has
> >
> > her driver's permit, but hasn't gotten her license yet. She apparently has
> > anxiety when driving as she'll quit quickly or get distressed when something
> > during her driving experience doesn't sit well with her. That doesn't really
> > stress me out, but what makes me feel tense and anxious is when I'm already
> > feeling anxious and then knowing that she'll probably be upset with me for
> > feeling anxious or having a panic attack while driving. Before, she used to
> > exhibit empathetic responses, but within the past 2 years or so, she gets short
> >
> > with me and demands that I take my Ativan tab. I used to feel like she was my
> > safe person, but not much anymore on account of that behavior from her.
> >
> > Also, when I do something inadvertantly to upset her or the other stuff I
> > mentioned, she'll call me names or say she hates me. I don't feel I deserve
> >that
> >
> > at all. I don't hate her and I feel like I've been a very tolerant person of
> > her; so why do I get this treatment?
> >
> > So, that's my everyday "trigger". We're living with a family now but that is
> > soon to change by the end of the month. I met the wife of the family through an
> >
> > anxiety group 6 years ago and we became good friends. She has a lot of
> >problems,
> >
> > medically and financially, and it has gotten to be a drain. I get tense with
> >her
> >
> > due to her heavy smoking and her long, repetitive griping sessions. Not so much
> >
> > now as it was before. I still, though, do not like the smoke as it can upset my
> >
> > stomach and make me feel anxious.
> >
> > Another person is my dad. He was an overbearing figure in my life when I was
> > young. After the divorce of my parents, he moved out halfway across the
> > country.. Eventually he contacted me and wanted me to call a few times per
> >year.
> >
> > I had trouble calling him on account of my anxiety. I feared he would lecture
> > me, and that it would cause me panic and also to feel that I wasn't doing well
>
> > enough in my life. I don't feel so anxious talking with him now though.
> >
> > Based on hearing/reading other peoples' experiences, I'd say that you stay with
> >
> > him because he's the only person(or guy) you got right now and you feel that it
> >
> > is hard to find another. That's how I felt too. Because of who I was and what I
> >
> > struggled with, I never dated, except maybe one girl, but that ended up to be a
> >
> > very difficult situation with her. Later, I went online to meet people. I found
> >
> > a woman online in a group like this one 7 years ago, who also dealed with
> > anxiety issues, and we got into a relationship. We never met in person though
> > and she decided to end the relationship(because the relationship/I didn't meet
>
> > all her expectations). We still are friends though but we don't communicate
> > often these days.
> >
> > I also met my wife online, 6 years ago. I thought she was kind of pesty and a
> > trickster or a jokester. She really wanted to come visit me when she had the
> > opportunity. I was apprehensive, you know, because of that same old anxiety
> > thing. hehe But, I was honest with her and she said she would understand. Well,
> >
> > I did okay though I was nervous. She was actually a bit nervous too. She seemed
> >
> > to me a more shy and patient person with me back then. But, as our relationship
> >
> > moved along, she became less shy and more impatient and demanding. After
> > pressuring me to marry her a few times, she finally put it to me that if I
> > didn't marry her, she would move on. At that point, I couldn't stall any
> >longer.
> >
> > I was feeling the pressure big time. I didn't want her to go permanently and me
> >
> > being stuck at home with my mom living a continued lonely life for who knows
> >how
> >
> > many more years. But, on the other hand, my heart wanted to meet women and see
>
> > how others were like. I also wanted to have fun in the dating process,
> > especially since I never did date. It seemed, though, like a highly difficult
> > feat for me, to go dating. My few online friends that I had(all women) told me
>
> > that she seemed like a good person for me. My dad had talked with her on the
> > phone a few times up to this point, and he said she was a very good woman and
> > that I should marry her. Well, instead of going with my heart(at least that
> > certain part of my heart), I went with a certain logic and went through with
> >it.
> >
> > I thought, "Yeah, I can make this work." I thought that I didn't have to worry
>
> > about being alone or having to take care of myself all alone. But as the
> > crabbiness and demanding behavior manifested itself more and more from her, my
>
> > questions became louder and louder in my mind. It's still a battle.
> >
> > Thanks for reading.
> >
> > Sam
> >
> > --- In PanicZone@yahoogroups.com, "Melissa" <insultedprincess08@> wrote:
> > >
> > > I wonder how many people in this group have someone who triggers their
> > >anxieties?
> > >
> > > There is someone in my life who seems to trigger my anxiety constantly. For
> > >example, one of my triggers is being in a moving vehichle, and everytime this
>
> > >person has to drive me somewhere, they have an "oh shit!" moment. I hate
> >crowds,
> >
> > >so before we go into a shopping center, or to an appointment with a new
> >doctor,
> >
> > >this person is sure to start an argument.
> > >
> > > My verry first panic attack was in OSU (hospital) when he started yelling at
> >me
> >
> > >and a security guard threatoned to escourt him out of the building while my
> > >step-dad lay dying upstairs. My second panic attack was the day of my
> >step-dad's
> >
> > >funeral (9-11-04) when "this person" came into the bathroom to tell me that he
> >
> > >was leaving me after the services.
> > >
> > >
> > > Why have I let him stay around me this long? How do I get him out of my life?
> >
> > >I'm seriously considering running away from home, leaving everything I have
> > >behind, because I don't know how to deal with this anymore.
> > >
> > > Mel
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.
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