Re: [PanicZone] Need help desperately
Hi Nan - As I was reading your post, I kept thinking to myself, "sounds like anxiety to me", but was going to suggest you go to the doctor. As I continued reading and saw that you went to the ER, I was glad that you had done that and found out that you are indeed having anxiety symptoms. That's good news, believe it or not. There are some wonderful books that you can read, and I prefer the books by Claire Weeks. She hits the nail on the head when she describes symptoms of anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes reading about the symptoms can help you realize that it is anxiety and nothing life threatening. You can buy her books online and at most bookstores. I have a feeling that once the anxiety that you are experiencing right now subsides, so will the numbness. Janet
--- On Fri, 11/27/09, mybeavy <ncrpara@aol.
From: mybeavy <ncrpara@aol.
Subject: [PanicZone] Need help desperately
To: PanicZone@yahoogrou
Date: Friday, November 27, 2009, 9:19 PM
hi everybody, I'm new. My name is Nan. I'm 41 yrs old. I would like to tell you what is going on with the hopes that somebody will be able to relate and help me in even some small way.
In October of 2008, I found out that the mom I have been estranged from for 20 years, had lung cancer. I made contact and we have talked briefly since, and visited twice. She lives 4 hours away from me in Lancaster. I live in Pittsburgh.
Her cancer has worsened. It moved to her liver. I have been very upset about this even though we were estranged for so long. My husband doesn't understand my feelings, and unfortunately and admittedly, he offers zero support in my feelings.
In September of 2009, I found a small growth on the back of my mouth... on my tongue. It took me weeks to go to the doctor for fear it was something terrible. I started to feel some numbness in my left bottom lip. I finally went after being forced by a friend. I had a panic attack in the doctor's office. My blood pressure was very high and my heart was beating very fast. The doctor said it looked like a gland and referred me to an ENT. I went to the ENT and she scoped my throat and found all was fine. She looked at the growth and said it was a tonsil regrowth (I had my tonsils out at 5 years old, but they grow back). We scheduled surgery to remove it and all seemed well after the biopsy. I was diagnosed with a hyperplastic lingual tonsil. The ENT said it was completely normal and tried to reassure me several times that I was fine. I was still in disbelief. I have spent minutes, hours, days, running in and out of the bathroom checking it. Sticking out my
tongue to see where she cut it off and if anything else was growing back there. I have touched my tongue hundreds of time to the point of soreness. I finally went back to her and had her look again. Once again, she said it was a normal looking tongue.
In October of 2009, I found out my mom's cancer went to her brain. She has 8 tumors and is now on hospice since November 2009. I was extremely upset but hid that pain from my husband at home. I started feeling more numbness in my left lower lip, then numbness in my face and jaw. My left eye started to feel like it was literally going to pop from my head. Last Monday, November 23, on my way to work, I had to pull over because the numbness was SO severe and I got so scared I couldn't breathe. I broke out in cold sweat and my left arm tingled. I thought about going to the Emergency Room, but was too afraid. I decided I was going to die in my car on the side of the road. I finally got a grip on the situation, felt ok to drive, not great, but ok. I drove home, called work, and slept all day. I call my doctor in the late afternoon and she said to go the ER to make sure it wasn't stroke symptoms. I went to the ER, got scared of diagnosis and left. I believed
that if they were looking for stroke, then, I was probably having one. Silly, right?
On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday (Thanksgiving) , I have suffered with this numbness and tingling, alot of lip numbness which never ceases. On Thanksgiving I was at my Dad's house with family (mom and dad are divorced and my dad lives in Pgh). I started having alot of left arm numbness and face numbness. The numbness was going into my ear and neck. All on the left side. I paced in his bathroom for several minutes until it faded. But, it never faded totally, just enough for me to cope.
Finally, today, Friday. This morning I got to work and the numbness was going into my neck once again. My lip numbness spread to my top lip. I left work and went to the ER, finally. I called my husband to come because I was afraid. The doctor at the ER "promised" wasn't having a stroke or early stroke symptoms. He said that if it had been going on since September, and my main attack was on Monday of this week, that I would be dust by now from a stroke. He explained about the numbness and anxiety and said it won't go away overnight, maybe not for weeks, or for several months. He prescribed me a low dose of Xanax, which I feel has helped somewhat this evening. I have had no numbness in my neck. But, my bottom lower lip is still numb.
The stress/anxiety of my mom's illness is taking it's toll on me he believes. I also work in healthcare (kidney dialysis), and seeing very sick people everyday since my mom is so sick is also causing me great anxiety.
Can anybody relate to these symptoms? Or have similar anxiety feelings? I believe I am not having a stroke or heart attack at this time. I do believe it's anxiety. I feel now that if I was stroking, it would have happened by now, as the doctor said. He did describe all the feelings i was having.
Any help is so appreciated. Any advice on controlling this anxious behavior is appreciated. I'm very scared this will never cease. I don't know how to control it.
Warmly,
Nan
have a panic attack is that it will pass
whether it passes quickly or slowly
depends whether I drop the idea of it
being dangerous or not.
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